you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize