Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He better not be in your backpack
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
