even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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