Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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