Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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