I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
