uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I want her autograph on my taint
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize