worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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