My nipple is on Facebook.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
