i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
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I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
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Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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