omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
