i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
