I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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