Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
