Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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