I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
