You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
