I'll bet she douches with gravy.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
