So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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