that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
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We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
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I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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