So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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