Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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