So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
