I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i think i have herpe
just one?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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