You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
