i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
