the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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