So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
