wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
