remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
sex in a hospital.. check
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
