shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
