His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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