My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
