your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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