Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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