i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
