Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
