I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
