apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
