I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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