Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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