Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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