so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
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Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
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I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.