So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.