i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.