It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
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You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
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I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.