it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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