You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people