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• (313): View more from Michigan

  so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...

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• (207): View more from Maine

  I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?

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  Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July

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• (631): View more from New York

  Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.

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• (571): View more from Virginia

  I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.

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  19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.

  (917): View more from New York City

  Gotta love Minnesota

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket

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• (425): View more from Washington

  YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.

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• (916): View more from California

  Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.

  (714): View more from California

  just follow your vagina

  (916): View more from California

  Quote of the day.

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