You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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