dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
