I think I am morally bankrupt
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
