All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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