We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
