this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
