I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
