New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Randomize
