I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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