So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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