i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
