He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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