i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
