I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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