I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
