Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
