Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
