he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
