I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
All I want is dick and wine.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
