oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
