put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
