I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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