mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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