Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
