I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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