i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
