i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
