Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
