I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
