Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
