did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
