So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
