You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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