May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
