i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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