i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
