Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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