Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
