Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you didnt know i had herpes?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
